There is always something. Something missing, something too much. Something here, something there. My life has been like this since ever. Probably all lives are like this, then it depends on how you look at it. My friends would say I’m a chilled person and I believe I am too, but then, there is this part of me, that seems to never be okay, happy or satisfied. It never settles. And if it feels right, then let’s feel better, and better, and better… You understand where this is going, right?
I mean this can be positive personality trait, meaning that you always work for more. Yeah, right, sure. It can be exhausted and you might end up needing to train yourself to balance your two “yous”. Sure, it is good to want more, to be persistent and ambitious, but then you also should ask yourself what do you want in life. And be ambitious about it, about what you want, instead of creating different aims every morning and every night and make yourself tired, because you want to accomplish them all by the end of the month, or make yourself frustrated because you didn’t.
It is like that song from Variações “porque só estou bem, onde não estou, porque eu só quero ir onde não vou”. This is a common place for me and sometimes I take it as an interesting feeling and I let it flow and see where it takes me. I must say that sometimes these feelings bring me a wave of creativity, inspiration and fearless motivation, to jump to the next adventure of my life. In other moments, well, it gets me so depressed. Never forget that while feeling these feelings you must keep working and do your daily life or routine (routine, what a lovely word – not – but that will be for another text). You have to keep managing yourself and everything that is happening in your life while all the time you are feeling like you don’t belong, to anything, anyone, anywhere. Ok, maybe to your bed, that’s fair, I feel comfortable in my bed in moments like that, so yes.
The best way to picture it to you is if you imagine a line with a series of ups and downs, some of them not too long, other ones really high and others really low. It is a fucking mess. It is amazing when you are in the high moment. Honestly, because it kind of feels like you’re high something that makes you feel a super person, capable of everything, confident, happy and in control of your life. Everything is good, life is good and you are greater. And like always, sooner or later, there’s your hangover waiting for you, and it explodes in your face, your heart and your soul, without you even notice a thing. Then, everything is grey, life is whatever-you-don’t-even-care-about-it, and you are numb and, for some unknown reason for you at that moment, sad.
I guess, maybe the trick is to embrace it and let it flow through you: feel it, accept it, the good and he bad, without fighting it or making it bigger than it is, because then it gets harder to get out of it.
So live it, that is life. The good is life, the bad is life, all is life. Life is everywhere, in everything, and like I said before (wow, I wrote so much to ended up saying the same), it depends on how you look at it. It also depends on the people you have supporting you. Hope you guys have amazing people to be there for you, I know I do.
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